i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
