I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
