Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this will be a night to untag.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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