If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
MIDGETS
????
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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