you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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