my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
