my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
being pregnant is like rehab
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
