took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
