She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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