I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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