Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
