I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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