Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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