I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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