I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
