youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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