You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
