Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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