You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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