my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
