Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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