So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
