we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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