She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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