I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
