Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
