I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
