i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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