There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
