you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
