carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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