the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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