Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
