Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize