i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
