Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
