I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
