Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize