once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
