There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
