she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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