bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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