Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
