how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
