I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
