im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
