After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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