Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize