Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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