i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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