it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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