He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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