Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
