i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
