i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
