i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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