My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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