Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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