Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
