No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
