K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
