i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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