I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
