I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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