I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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