So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
