I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
