Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
