My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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