you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
