why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
