I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think people are normalizing furries
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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