so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize