yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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