You can't special order awesome
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
