i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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