i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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