he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
