Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
